They Lied

Dear Readers, after a pandemic break from my fictional project, I'm finally returning to the storyline of "Just like Eve." If you are new to this story, you can start with the back-cover like introduction or at the beginning. Update for followers: I have updated some dates and ages, added date and place headings to each selection, and set this selection to take place on the same day as Synchronicity, when Jasmine listens to the radio preacher.

Black Bear Diner, Colorado Springs, Sunday, March 25, 2012

         “They said sex would be better if we wait until marriage.”  Davie tells his mentor Ethan Raymond at dinner.  “They lied.”

            “Yes, David, they lied,” Ethan replies.  “They lied about a lot, didn’t they?  Sex tops the list.”

It’s been over a year since Davie has seen his mentor, the senior pastor at a larger evangelical church, also in Colorado Springs, where Davie served his internship year.  Now a professor of Hebrew at the University of Denver, Ethan contacted Davie when he registered for a conference in Colorado Springs.  He’d be in town.  Could they meet?  Davie jumped at the chance.  If anyone could help him, Ethan would be the one; but even with Ethan, Davie doesn’t know how he’ll approach the topic of Jasmine.

            “Sex isn’t cracked up to be what you’ve been told, David?” Ethan teases.

            “No,” Davie replies, embarrassed.  “But I want it.  Just not with my wife.”

            “Isn’t that the way it goes?” Ethan gazes up at the two large, dark brown stuffed bears, sitting as love-birds on a swing above the barstools.  He’s a little nostalgic; for meetings like this one, the Black Bear was his favorite restaurant in Colorado Springs, partly for its juicy steaks, but more for its rustic atmosphere of dark wood and stone, accented with hunter green trim.  In the seven years since Davie’s internship with Ethan, Davie has entered the pastorate and Ethan has left it.  Publicly, Ethan announced that the teaching position he accepted at the University of Denver was the career choice he had always wanted.  Privately, he had seen too much ugly church politics and chose to leave the pastorate.  But he left quietly, holding his mouth shut.

Ethan shifts his gaze back to Davie with a compassionate eye.  “Tell me about Pam.  How’d you two meet?”

“We met at Colorado Christian University, sophomore year, living in neighboring dorms and both playing Ultimate Frisbee.”

“How did she catch your eye?”

“It’s more like I caught her eye.  My eye was on her friend Jenny.”    

“All right, start with Jenny.  Tell me about her.”

“We sat next to each other in Calculus.  She also played Ultimate Frisbee and was a friend a Pam’s.  At least then they were – until Movie Night.”

Ethan nods for Davie to continue.

“My dorm held a Movie Night in our basement and Jenny, Pam, Pam’s roommate and I were all sitting on one of the couches, and I was sitting between Jenny and Pam.  The couch had enough space for four of us, but,” Davie blushes, “it was thankfully a little tight for four.  I started shifting my body closer to Jenny and let my arm start to rub up more against hers.  When the scene got scary, Pam clung to my arm; I let her do it, moved toward Pam, and then she wrapped both her arms around mine.”

“Uh oh, Pam moved in on Jenny’s territory.”

“I guess so, but I wasn’t smart enough to get that then.  I still wonder what could have come from a relationship with Jenny.  Most evenings, Jenny and I had a habit.  Her dorm was on the way to the Dining Commons, so I’d take my backpack over to her dorm room and leave it there.  I kind of liked my stuff in her room, you know?”

Ethan smiles at Davie’s blush.

“Then we’d gather some other frisbee players, including Pam, go to dinner together, then return to Jenny’s dorm room, pick up our backpacks, and head to the Library to work on Calculus.  Math came easy for me, but not for Jenny.”

“It seems you were pretty charmed by her.”

A little embarrassed, Davie gives a slight, subtle back and forth shift of his head. “Part way through the term, Jenny lost her scientific calculator.  She bought a new one and couldn’t get the right answer for inverse cosine.  ‘Some calculators follow a different way of entering function commands,’ I told her and moved to sit next to her so she could show me the commands on her calculator.  Unable to read the screen, I put my hand under hers and twisted the angle to see better.  Jenny looked up at me and smiled.  She seemed to like my hand there.  I smiled back, watched her enter the wrong commands, and asked if I could show her another way, which I did, still with my hand below hers.  She asked about finding tangents and exponents on her new calculator, and I showed her all of those functions too, all with my hand below hers.”

Ethan smiles and raises his eyebrows.  “Sounds pretty intimate.”

“It was.  I was excited.  Thrilled.  But my hand beneath hers had felt bold, so I thought now it her turn and hoped she would make the next move.”

“Did she?”

“No.”

“Maybe she didn’t know you had decided that for her.  Maybe she wanted you to pursue her.”

“Or keep pursuing her?  Yeah, I get that now, but didn’t then.  I often wonder why I didn’t ask her out on a real date.  What would have happened?  Would my life be different?”

“Good question.  Even if you and Jenny didn’t stay together and you later dated Pam, it might look different.  Did you ever get that male rite of passage of pursuit?”

“Is that a rite of passage?  I guess I missed that one!” Davie laughs.

“No one will tell you that,” Ethan replies, “but some men who don’t get the chance to pursue a woman before they marry later feel a sense of loss, like they had missed a rite of passage. That can be a complicating factor in some marriages.”

“Interesting.  I’d never thought of that. I’ve often wondered whether I chose Pam, or whether she chose me.  Did I marry her by default?”

“What do you think?  Ask yourself this: had Pam not pursued you, do you think you would have ever pursued her?”

”Maybe.  She was cute, a PK like me, and, like me, she didn’t like it.  Once we started dating, we agreed we wouldn’t force our kids to attend church.  That’s for them to decide.  Let them be normal kids.  Making them go backfires.  The more we dated, the more I found we had in common.  She also had a playful spirit and never gave me the silent treatment.  I liked that and felt like I could trust her.  I just flowed with it, and before I knew it, I was married!" 

"You must have had a proposal in there somewhere," Ethan teases.

"Yes, and I did it up too -- on the chair lift while we were skiing! I apologized that I couldn't get on my knee, but hoped she would accept my proposal to marry me anyway."

"Then even if she pursued you first, you still chose her, and it sounds like you've found a good partner. What's the problem?"

"That 'rite of passage'? I don't know.  Now there's another girl.  Jasmine."

“Does she work with you in ministry or attend Quail Canyon?”

            “She’s my mixed doubles partner, but, yes, unfortunately, she did attend Quail Canyon, until they kicked her out.”

            “Uh oh.”

“When I was preparing to be a youth pastor, everyone warned me not to get too close to the female students.  No one warned me about a tennis partner who happens to attend my church.”

The waitress, wearing a black, flair skirt to her knees with a black shirt and a black bear logo on it, arrives with drinks and asks for their orders.  Davie notices a crowd of customers waiting for a table, widens his eyes, and quickly opens the menu he hasn’t yet looked at.

“Two orders of the Santa Maria Tri-Tip,” Ethan tells with waitress.  She nods, writes down the order, and takes a quick leave.  Turning to Davie, Ethan smiles, “You’re going to love it, especially with their fresh parsley and garlic seasoning.”  Relieved, Davie takes a breath and a sip of soda.

“They lie about more than just sex, Ethan.  They also lie about their rules and their promises to ‘protect’ you if you follow their rules.  ‘Just seek accountability from the elders if you’re ever tempted,’ they say, ‘and they’ll pray over you and hold you accountable.’  Well, Jasmine and I did just what they told us to do, and she got kicked out of church.’”

“Oh goodness.” Ethan sighs. 

“Do the elders realize that by casting Jazzie out, they’re sending my heart closer to her.  I smile when I think about our fun tennis plays and the silly way we celebrate them.  But it’s more than that, Ethan.  Remember how you said those WWJD bracelets need an R to make it WWJRD?  You’d say, “Churches say Jesus would do this, but What Would Jesus Really Do?”  Just like you, Jasmine asks questions like that.  You’d really like her, Ethan, I know you would.  She has the same inquisitive, caring spirit you do.  The elders sent her away, and I can’t stop thinking about her.  Don’t they say, ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder?’”

            “They do, and that’s usually true for women, and sometimes for men.  But I think many church leaders think the phrase should be, ‘Out of sight, out of mind.’”

            “Not for me.  Jasmine’s been out of sight for six weeks now, but she’s not out of mind.  I can’t quit thinking about her, worrying about her, wondering if she’s okay, wondering how her husband took it, wondering whether she’ll find another church, that will support her.” 

            “You have a good heart, David.  It’s inconvenient for them to think you have genuine love for her.  They jump to assume you’re just sexually tempted.  They even assume that of her, or, at least, that she intentionally tempted you, and sexually.”

            “If only they knew her.  Could it be they’re afraid of their own emotions and their own sexuality and they’re imposing their own fears onto me and onto Jasmine?”

“Possibly.  Their reaction is extreme.  Usually, it’s not that blatant, but insidious with suggestions to the woman to pull away from ministry positions, mixed in with awkward silences.  An aura is created that is so stifling to the woman that she conveniently chooses to leave on her own.  I’ve even heard in some charismatic circles, the girl is said to be ‘entrusted to a pastor.’”

            “’Entrusted’?”

            “Strange term, I know,” Ethan grimaces.  “Back in the days when I took such things semi-seriously, I figured the notion was related to Jesus’ temptation in the wilderness.”

            Davie raises an eyebrow, confused.

“In Matthew 3, before Jesus has done anything, He is already affirmed as the Son in whom the Father is well pleased; in Chapter 4, He’s sent into the wilderness to be tempted, then in Chapter 5, He delivers what many consider to be the most remarkable teaching in the Bible.  This movement seems unbelievably quick and out of order.  ‘This is My Son, in whom I am well pleased.’  One would expect such a statement of praise to come after the Sermon on the Mount, not before His ministry began.”

“Sure,” Davie replies in a voice more like a question than a reply.

“I know.  But some have taught that new ministry leaders should expect a progression like this: an affirmation, then a test – usually a temptation – then the start of ministry.  The affirmation and the test might go together, like a sermon video that goes viral for a few weeks, which the new leader lets go to his head.”

“OK, but what do you mean by Jasmine ‘entrusted’ to me?”

“These people would say she’s your test, and they usually judge her for it.  When I first heard this notion, I wondered whether a woman ‘entrusted’ might actually be spiritually advanced, and that the judgment cast at her is part of her test.”

“That’s a twist on their curious idea, isn’t it?”  Davie chuckles.  After a pause, his voice is solemn again.  “Whatever anyone wants to call what’s happened, we’re both being tested, but by my own church elders who are ignoring what Jesus taught.  Didn’t He say cast out your eye?  When did he ever say to cast out the woman?”

“He didn’t.”

“Then why do they do it?”

“Because churches aren’t following their own leader.  Now, David, what are you going to do about it?  Will you give in to their order, or will you challenge it?”

Continue to the Ancient Obsession

Continue to Davie's second conversation with Ethan 

Continue to Davie's third conversation with Ethan

Start "Just like Eve" at the beginning

© 2020 by karina. Please use only with permission or a link to this blog and post.

0 Jasmine's Journal: Who is Eve? God? What is the Fall?

       Now that I, Jasmine’s author, have shared some of the many mysteries of the Adam and Eve story outside of the scope of Jasmine’s quest (due to her Evangelical reading of the Bible as she was taught: literally) Jasmine, having reached the end of her quest, is ready to record into her journal some of her discoveries.  Now, to Jasmine, and her journal in Jasmine’s words . . .

 Who is Eve? God? What is The Fall?

 Dear Spirit,

       How little I understood!  Had I not been ex-communicated from church for asking for accountability after my kiss with Davie, I might never have learned what’s beneath what the whispers have called “centuries of misunderstanding” about Eve.  I’ve learned not only about Eve, but also about men and women and our relationship to God, actually named the masculine/feminine/plural Elohim, our duality, our illusion of separation with the divine, which has been called “The Fall,” and our potential to transcend this illusion.

       My no contact order with Davie has tortured me, Spirit.  So have my two decades of burying my questions after being reprimanded, at age 11, for being “just like Eve” – just for asking questions -- and then scared away from asking any more.  Perhaps healing can come as I record what I’ve discovered:

 1.      The irony that I was reprimanded at 11 for doing just what Jesus calls for us to do: “to ask, seek, and knock.”  But Sunday school teachers don’t like it when we ask inconvenient questions that make God look bad, like why Noah let God drown the world, or why God commanded Joshua to commit genocide, or why God would forbid Adam and Eve from something good: knowledge -- knowledge even of what is good and evil.

2. The quick assumptions of the church elders to immediately judge me as a temptress violated basic biblical steps of accountability even for those who have not confessed needs of accountability, let alone for those like me and Davie who did. (My author hasn’t written this yet; please be patient with her.)

 3. The church elder missed and entirely violated the spirit of the very verse he quoted, 2 Timothy 2:22, by omitting the second part: to pursue righteousness with those in our church body, upon fleeing the very lusts for which we were seeking accountability. (My author wrote about this in “Always the Thorn?”)

4. Never in church do we hear that Eve had two additional curses to the only one we ever learn, pain in childbirth: “you will desire your man and he will rule over you” (Gen 3:16).  As my author wrote in “Synchronicity,” I was flabbergasted the Bible actually says this. That last one, “he will rule over you,” chills me so much, Spirit, I don’t even know where to begin, as my author showed in “Space. Get it?” I’ve spent more time on that middle curse, “you will desire your man,” which my author showed me beginning to mull over in “You Complete Me.”

5.      I’ve further explored the middle curse, “desire your man,” as an obsession for some women, as my author showed in “The Ancient Obsession,” and one that the fashion, cosmetics, beauty, and romance industries capitalize on to their great profit, as my author developed in “Girls’ Day Out.”

6. Sometimes, the woman’s obsession can get under the man’s skin; therefore, as my author pointed out, sometimes he just needs his “Space.”

      Although these are some significant discoveries, Spirit, even more astonishing ones are to come, and my author has yet to write them!  I hope her readers will be patient.  But, I, her heroine, have the prophetic crystal ball of what I have yet to discover, and these are on their way:

7.      The character translated as “God” into English in the Adam and Eve story was called Elohim in the original text, written in Hebrew.  The -im suffix shows this figure to be a plural entity, and the name contains both masculine and feminine parts, suggesting this “God” power is masculine, feminine, and plural.  Why, Spirit, are we not taught this?

8. The word translated into English as “helper” or “helpmeet” is ezer in the original Hebrew, for which a better translation is “life-saver.”  How many English speaking women, Spirit, have any idea the woman was created to be a life-saver?  (My author hasn’t yet let me discover this, but she has shared this mystery on her blog in “In the Beginning, Part 2.”)

9. This same Elohim figure forbid something good, something the New Testament later calls for: knowledge of good and evil.  Why would a “good” God (or Elohim) forbid something good that would later be called for?  Why, further, would a good God/Elohim punish his subjects so severely for taking something that ought to help them progress further in their human evolution?

     10.  As I further reflect on this mystery, I will perceive that the problem of the tree may be less about “knowledge” and more about “duality”: good and evil.  I will reflect that a more fitting name for the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil might be “Tree of Duality.” Duality leads not to death, but to suffering and to the illusion of separation.  (Even though my author hasn’t yet let me discover this, she has written about it in “The Tree of Duality” on her blog.)

     11. According to the Jewish mystic system of gematria, the serpent (nahash: Nun (50) + Het (8) + Shin (300) = 358) holds the same mystical energy of 358 as the Messiah (Meshiach: Mem (40) + Shin (300) + Yod (10) + Het (8) = 358), suggesting the carry twin energy.

     12. The illusion of separation can be transcended by finding “completion” not in a human man, but in the heavenly man, Christ, the Christ within (Luke 17:21, KJV); “the mystery is this: Christ in you” (Col 1:27).  This mystery is too complex for the scope of my quest in this book, but my author plans to have me at least ponder it.

Stunning revelations You’ve given to me, Spirit.  Most of these came by way of reading the Bible the way I was taught, beginning back in Sunday school, as my author began to show in the “BE Filled Forever” context selection.  Having completed this quest, I have one more significant discovery: perhaps the reason I was so unreasonably reprimanded for asking the questions I did was because my questions implicated God.  They made God look bad.  Therefore, the church leaders preferred that I be not “just like Eve” and seek not knowledge.  However, by seeking knowledge the way they taught me, through a literal reading of the Bible, I have discovered that possibly – just possibly – the divine forces, “God” if you like, may have permitted an unfriendly version of himself to be presented in the Bible to test us to see if we are willing to wrestle with him.  (My author has Davie hint at this idea in “Love 30, Part 3” and my author explores it more clearly in “Obey or Wrestle?” on her blog.)

 Therefore, Spirit, perhaps we should not read the Bible literally, but wrestle with it instead.  Do I thank You for letting me learn all of this through the hardships You’ve permitted?  I’m not yet sure, but I’m getting there.  Stay tuned, Spirit, for my future thank You journal entry to You, and until then, please be patient with me!  

 Begin "Just like Eve" at 1: Why did Noah let God drown the world?

© 2020 by karina.  Please use with permission or a citation with a link to this blog post.

The Quest not Taken

     Dear Readers,

While I am actively updating Jasmine’s Discoveries,  complete with links to the selections already written pertaining to the discoveries Jasmine has already made, I, her author, wish to share some of the factors relevant to her quest into Eve, and the overall story of Adam and Eve, which she will not be discovering, even though I, her author, believe them.  For example, I, Jasmine’s author, believe the “Adam” figure and the “Eve” figure represent Jung’s “animus,” the unconscious masculine, and the “anima,” the unconscious feminine, within every human being.

Jasmine, however, is not going there, due to her method of investigation.  Jasmine is choosing to investigate the person of Eve and of the overall story at the beginning of Genesis in the manner she was taught as an Evangelical Christian.  By reading the story in the way she was taught to read the Bible, Jasmine makes some very astonishing discoveries.  For example, the most sinister character in the story of what Evangelicals term “The Fall” is God Himself.  This character, called by the masculine/feminine/plural name Elohim in the original Hebrew, forbids Adam and Eve from learning (knowledge) what Elohim sees as wrong (evil), severely punishes them when they learn what Elohim sees as evil, and then in a later tradition, many millennia later, calls upon them to learn the very same thing that Elohim had previously forbidden! (Heb 5:14)

As absurd as this sinister Elohim interpretation may sound, it follows the literal method of interpretation Evangelicals are taught to read the Bible, and part of my purpose as Jasmine’s author, is to expose some of the troublesome tenants of Evangelical Christianity by using its own tool: a literal interpretation of the Bible.

For now, permit me, Jasmine’s author, to separate myself from her by sharing what is not part of her quest, but is critical to my own understanding of the Adam and Eve story.  Here begins a future selection in Just like Eve that will introduce Jasmine’s discoveries . . . 

Jasmine’s Journal: “What is ‘The Fall’?”

        Raised in Evangelical Christianity, Jasmine was unaware of the many traditions all over the globe that tell a similar story of a time when humans were at one with a divine force and then separated from this divine force.  Nor did she realize that while these traditions grieve this separation, only her own tradition so severely places the blame for this separation upon humans.

        Nor was Jasmine familiar with the extensive myths, also in almost every spiritual tradition, of serpent or dragon imagery, a force that many traditions demonstrate as powerful, dangerous, awe-some, and -- if faced properly, with bravery and purity – a route toward a spiritual state akin to the Christian concept of “salvation.”                                                           

        Nor even was Jasmine aware of the origin of her tradition’s interpretation of the story it calls “The Fall,” from Augustine, based on skimpy scriptural evidence, limited logic, and his own sexual hang-ups.  According to Augustine’s obscure logic, Adam and Eve were responsible for ushering into Humanity the concept come to be known as “Original Sin.”  (For just how sexually messed up and, more importantly, illogical Augustine was in his development of his concept of “Original Sin,” see chapters 5 and 6 of Stephen Greenblatt’s The Rise and Fall of Adam and Eve.)

Nor did Jasmine consider that this concept of “Original Sin” conveniently led the Catholic Church to scare its congregants with a terrifying image of an afterlife, from which they could save themselves should they generously donate their earnings to the Church.

Nor was she aware of the psychological interpretation of Adam and Eve as the unconscious masculine and the unconscious feminine, Jung’s animus and anima, that reside within each human.  (While either the animus or the anima are likely to predominate, I, the author, see both residing in each one of us.)

Nor was Jasmine aware that centuries prior to Augustine, the Jewish scholar and philosopher Philo had already presented an interpretation remarkably similar to Jung’s, and that Philo’s interpretation remains to this day in many contemporary Jewish traditions.

No, Jasmine was uninformed about all of these interpretations and contexts.  However, her tradition had taught her to carefully read the Bible, and to read it closely, regularly, and literally.

Finally, Jasmine was disturbed.  No, she was was mad, inflamed.  A quick, uninvestigated assumption that she had tempted the church youth pastor had cast her from church.  This assumption had, in fact, unbiblically cast her out, based on the omitted second half of 2 Tim 2:22, calling not for separation, but connection, as long as one is working to keep lust away, which both she and Davie had promised to do.

Jasmine had been violated.  Jasmine was mad.  Jasmine had also heard a mysterious inner voice prompting her to find out who Eve is and to overturn “centuries of misunderstanding.”  Jasmine’s quest had led to some astonishing discoveries, for which she was now ready to record into her journal . . .

 See Jasmine’s Discoveries, now updated

 © 2020 by karina.  Please use with permission or a link to this blog post

Reposting Introducing "Just like Eve"

Originally posted in April, 2020.  Reposting.

Breaking from its traditional non-fiction format, whispers of mystery is currently following Karina’s fictional novel, Just like Eve. Karina began the themes explored here in 2008, in a non-fiction book she titled The Feminine Mystery, alluding to Betty Frieden’s 1963 classic, The Feminine Mystique, which explores what Frieden calls “the problem that has no name” -- a problem Karina believes is Eve’s second curse to desire her (earthly) man, not sexually, but as a completion to her.  As she kept discovering more and more, she realized her discoveries were too controversial for non-fiction, and decided to clothe her message in fiction. For years, she tried many storylines and faced much writer’s block. In late 2017, she birthed Just like Eve, mixing the main storyline with a backdrop she could write about with her own sport of tennis.

Storyline: Heroine Jasmine, 31, is judged several times in life for being "just like Eve," first in 5th grade for asking off-limits questions, like why Noah let God drown the world. Now she's judged again with the same "just like Eve" line. She and 30 year old Davie are both married to others, are USTA mixed doubles partners, attend the same church for which Davie is the youth pastor, fall for one another, briefly act upon it, and seek accountability from the church leadership. It backfires. The church can't handle it. Jasmine is kicked out of church, thought to be a temptress. But was she? And what about Eve? And what might Eve really stand for? Jasmine is on a quest . . .

Among her discoveries for humans in general are these: (a) Eve risked her life for something that could potentially build her character and was later encouraged (Heb. 5:14); (b) this choice opened her eyes, but brought her suffering; hence the Tree from which she ate could be called "The Tree of Duality" -- it brought suffering, but a move forward; and  (c) this duality brought the Illusion of Separation.  To transcend this Illusion of Separation is the true Human Quest.

Among her discoveries for women are these: (a) the word translated into English as "helper" in Gen 2:18 is the Hebrew word ezer, and a more accurate translation of ezer is Lifesaver; the patriarchal translators did not wish to call woman a "lifesaver" for the man; (b) Eve was cursed not only for childbearing, but also to "desire her man" (Gen 3:16); that's a desire literally for her earthly man, not for sex, but for the man himself to complete her; and (c) most chilling of all, Eve was also cursed to "be ruled by him" (Gen 3:16); yes, how many pastors admit a curse to Eve is that her man would "rule over" her?  And Jasmine kept making discoveries

Click to start Just like Eve at the beginning

© 2020 by karina.  All rights reserved.  Please use with permission or a citation that links to this blog.

Spiraling back to "Obey or Wrestle?"

         Obey or Wrestle?  My sixth ever post.  For this second entry of my “Spiraling” series, which spirals back to former posts, I’m musing once again over this question of “obeying” vs. “wrestling.”  In my Just like Eve book, heroine Jasmine is wrestling over this same question, with the same characters of Noah who “obeys” but doesn’t wrestle and, in Jasmine’s terms, lets a planet drown, and of Abraham who does wrestle when he bargains with God on behalf of the city of Sodom.  Hero Davie does the same and explains through Jacob, who also wrestles, that obedience must come first.  First, we must learn to obey.  Once we’ve learned to obey, we face a new test: to wrestle.  Are we willing to wrestle?

      Specifically, the test is whether we are willing to wrestle even if it means disobedience.  At some point in our lives, and likely many points, we are given a test: will we follow what we know in our own heart knowledge to be true, or will we follow the easy way and obey what our authority figures tell us to do?

      No one expected me to buck my direct supervisor.  Nor, frankly, did I.  I thought my request would  be easily approved.  I was naïve.  And “buck” is not the right word, as I’ve remained positive and willing to follow the Spirit at each step.  For me, the question was who and what do I “obey”?  The Governor, the local health officials, and the university were all permitting what is deep in my own heart, so we could say I was “obeying” them, or, more to what matters most, we can say I have been “obeying” something much deeper within me.  I was “obeying” “My truth.” 

      While this post, like most, will not be made public beyond my blog, I have made public my stand on the controversy of on-line schooling in It Still takes a Village, essentially a middle-ground approach of hybrid schooling following common sense methods of maintaining safety, all in line with the statement of the American Academy of Pediatrics.  I’ve also made public my own personal experience as a mom that initiated my commitment to making sure students’ mental health is protected, including the removal of overly strict isolation.

        Divine comedy may have positioned me as an instructor who is teaching freshmen at a university that wants to offer some in-person instruction, especially for freshmen, for a department that chose all online instruction for everyone in our department.  But I had a loophole: my students are recruited by another college within our university and I, along with those who recruited my students, wanted some in-person instruction for my students.  So we put in a request for an exception. 

        I was naïve. 

        Four months later, I am both exhausted and relieved.  I’ve been downsized; I’ve lost my benefits; but I have one hybrid class and have succeeded in following Michelle Obama’s motto to “Go High.”  I’ve maintained my truth in a manner that is positive.  I reaped the consequences, but I have no regrets.

        Along the way, I believe it was expected that I would “cave,” because most people simply “obey.”  But what they “obey” is the external authority figure before them, in my case, my supervisor.  

        Who are we really to “obey”? 

        For those of us who have entered deeply into spiritual awareness, it’s the still small voice akin to the promise of Jeremiah 31:33:

"This is the covenant I will make with the people of Israel after that time,"

declares the LORD.  "I will put my law in their minds and write on their hearts."

I will be their God, and they will be my people.

What is tricky for us to grasp hold of, especially if we come from an evangelical Christian background, is that the laws placed within me for my path are not necessarily the same ones placed for others in their path.  Davie also explores this notion and takes it further: the “law” I am to follow today may be different than the one I am to follow a decade from now, because I have evolved into a higher state of consciousness.  The classic example for this is the choice to drink a beer.  Some can; some can’t.  Some can’t today, but can ten years from now.

“My truth”: many Christians also have a problem with this term, as they counter that “Truth is Absolute.”  According to Ancient Chinese wisdom, the Universe’s “Absolute Truth” is called the “Tao.”  The only word like the Tao in Christianity would be “Logos,” unfortunately translated into English as the “Word.”  “Order and Harmony through the Divine Breath” comes nearer to the notion of “Logos,” but sadly, English does not have a word for it.  The best word in English for me to express the Grand Idea of the Divine is “Harmony.”  How each of us achieves such Harmony can differ from person to person, and, beautifully, if we each express Harmony in our individual ways, Collective Harmony is achieved.

Today, all of us, whether or not we have followed a path of Christianity, are living in a moment when the majority wants simply to “obey”: Tell me, authority figure, what to do.  Wash my hands, wear a mask, and stand 6 feet from anyone else?  OK, I can do that.  Until I see that old friend I want to hug.  Can I hug my friend?  Each one of us, every day, is faced with such decisions.  Will we merely “obey”?  How far will we go to “obey”?  At what point do we begin to “wrestle”?

Most instances of “wrestling” over whether to “obey,” what to obey and to whom are far more complex than our current daily inquiries of whether or not to hug, shake hands, wear a mask at a relatively safe place, or accept a moderate travel invitation.  These are fairly simple.  I’m cool with hugs and handshakes, so I simply ask the person, “Do you do real handshakes or air shakes?”  However, the deeper we dive into our Inner Authority, through our own spiritual practices, the more we’ll find ourselves at odds with traditional authorities.  We might even begin to wrestle with what we had previously thought as the most basic “laws.”  Ironically, the further our spiritual practice evolves, the more “rebellious” we become – at least in every one’s eyes.

The more we are willing to wrestle with orders that don’t resonate within our deepest heart wisdom, which we confirm through our spiritual disciplines, the more the “laws” of the Spirit for our own path will be written into our hearts and minds.  How do we begin this process?  Through searching the scriptures and other sacred texts.  Then we can talk with trusted friends, observe the synchronicities, pray and meditate, journal, and let the Spirit speak to us as we do.  The skill to listen well comes through many years of disciplined practice and of slowing ourselves enough to hear the still, small voice within.  That we on planet Earth, and especially here in the US, are now forced to slow down like never before is a beautiful silver lining to this moment we all find ourselves in.

(c) 2020 by karina. Please use by permission or cite this link.

Oh, What a Whirlwind we're in!

        Shhh!  Don’t tell.  My very first post.  I find myself spiraling back and upward, like a DNA molecule, to the myriad of themes emerging out of my twilight zone. 

 

(photo by phys.org)

The spirals are so numerous I think I’ll start a “Spiraling Back” series.  (Sorry, Just like Eve readers, this whirlwind is still too big for the creativity of fiction, but I will “spiral back” to it when the winds slow down; if you’d like to hunt down a publisher for me, then perhaps I could return sooner . . . ? 🤔)  I’ll begin with my very first post and all three of its images: the fast-moving “freight train” of information, my “eyes of paradox” (one near-sighted, one far-sighted), and the movement toward whispering, careful speech.  

Image 1: The fast-moving freight train

           Shhh! Don’t tell explained this fast-moving train like a college lecturer speaking so fast you, a student, can’t keep up to take notes.  You had agreed to take notes for some absent classmates, but you gave up, told them the lecture was too fast, and they were on their own. 

I’m now trying to keep up with another freight train speeding along at record speeds.  Nothing adds up, but information – some useful and some really off and very distracting – is blowing in like hurricane.  With all this debris of information flying everywhere, which do we grab hold of, and which do we let go?  Friends, the answers are not at all obvious.

Too many think they know which nuggets of information to trust and which to distrust, but they might be making those decisions based on either a “False Authority” fallacy or an “Ad Hominem” fallacy.  These logical fallacies are opposites, so let me explain them:

A False Authority fallacy is the belief that a statement must be true just because Reliable Person said it.  Perhaps Reliable Person is an authority, but just because Reliable Person said it does not necessarily make it true.  Reliable Person has to provide strong, accurate, reliable evidence for his or her statement in order for it to be trustworthy.  Therefore, a False Authority fallacy does not necessarily mean the speaker is not an authority; instead it means the statement cannot be trusted just because the speaker said it.  Genuine evidence is necessary. 

The classic False Authority is truly false: "Celebrity says solar flares are harmless." However, a subtle type is a Non-sequitur (it does not necessarily follow) type of False Authority: “NASA says solar flares are harmless.”  NASA, of course, is a genuine authority for such a statement.  Without evidence, however, its logic is incomplete. A good listener should ask why NASA says that and what evidence NASA has for such a statement.  (BTW, NASA hasn’t said this; I made it up for the purpose of the analogy, and I purposely chose a respected national agency who I myself trust.)

An Ad Hominem fallacy is the opposite: it believes a statement must be false because Unreliable Person said it.  Maybe Unreliable Person is reliable, and has genuine evidence for X, but is getting demonized 😅 for something she stated (perhaps in jest) about Y.  Are we not to listen to her evidence on X because something from unrelated Y, taken out of context, condemns her?

Or, perhaps Unreliable Person really is unreliable.  Does that mean that everything that person says is false?  What if Unreliable Person brings forth reliable evidence?  Shouldn’t we take a look at that evidence?

 Think about these two questions also:

1.     Has Person, who is being presented to you (or you think is) either Reliable or Unreliable, provided evidence?  Has Person provided it accurately, based on your own fact-checking through the original data or the original source? 

2.    Are you seeing the full evidence in full context of Person, who is being presented to you (or you think is) either Reliable or Unreliable?  Perhaps Person is Reliable, but is being presented as Unreliable, and Person’s strongest evidence has been eliminated from what you’re seeing.  Have you checked the original source?

Image 2: Eyes of Paradox

           As noted in “Shhh! Don’t tell,” I have anisometropia, or what I call “eyes of paradox,” a slightly near-sighted left eye and a fairly pronounced far-sighted right eye.  In certain ways, like trying to read anything from the Internet on my cell phone, or trying to hit an overhead in tennis, my condition is a nuisance.  No set of eye-glasses can give me perfect vision, so I do the best I can, while taking advantage of its benefits, like being able to see road signs far in advance.  “There it is, coming up, next Exit, you’ll need to stay in the right-most lane of the fork,” I tell my husband when we’re on a busy freeway.  Astonished, he exclaims, “You can read that?!”

           Although they’re usually a nuisance, I’m proud of my eyes of paradox.  My life has been about paradox, starting in childhood.  I often imagine my angels are upstairs laughing, playing a joke on me, as I think they did with my eyes.  She’ll be all about paradox; she’ll see nothing but paradox, so let’s give her eyes of paradox!  That my more pronounced eye is far-sighted is also not lost on me.  As I watch the world, life, everything, I see things much more in far-sighted vision than near-sighted.  Right now, I’m seeing everything in paradox, and I’m seeing more of it with the far-sighted eye.

           Let’s consider Highly Unreliable Person, a person I do not trust at all.  If I had not already been investigating X through credible sources, I might respond to what Highly Unreliable Person is saying like everyone else: Highly Unreliable Person thinks X; therefore, X must be false.  But what if X is true?  It’s a paradox. I want to think Highly Unreliable Person can never be trusted.  In our whirlwind, nothing is that simple.

            Paradox accepts that there is no one size fits all.  Maybe a particular treatment will work well for you; maybe it won’t.  Each treatment comes with effects, some of which are more risky for some than others because our bodies are all different.  This should be a decision between each patient with his or her own doctor.

             Likewise, perhaps a particular preventative measure will help you because you have a weak immune system and could be assisted by it.  Perhaps  that same measure could set back another person who has spent years building up his own natural immunity.  For that person, the same preventative measure that helps you is like the boulder that he, Prometheus, has to roll back up a mountain.

           Here’s another paradox: the stay-at-home order that fits my own zen leanings, but jeopardizes the needs of those on my heart, the youth.  I’ve just posted It Still Takes a Village on the youth, so I won’t repeat that here; I’ll just say that what is trying for the youth -- to slow down and remain in place -- is actually refreshing to me.  These are just a couple of paradoxes, but in our whirlwind, the paradoxes are legion.

Image 3: Shhh! Careful speech

           Through this pandemic, my family has chosen to do “Family Movie Nights,” rotating each of us to choose a film and a couple of nights ago, at my request, we watched Karate Kid 2, my favorite of these because in this part, one of my all-time favorite of film characters is the star: Mr. Miagi.  This little man doesn’t look tough, he doesn’t say much, and he’s quirky – he tries to catch flies with chopsticks!  But no strong man, nor crowd of them, armed or not, can defeat this guy.  And even if his phrasing is as quirky as his habits, when he speaks, you’d be wise to listen.

             After a period of silence, a moment tends to arise when one is released to speak.  Another spiral up into the next rung for me on this theme comes from 2013.  I had been advocating for my students to “rise into voices of power for the sake of good,” and at the start of 2013, I began praying the same for myself. In early April, I faced quite a challenge for an instructor at the start of a new quarter: I lost my voice for two weeks.  The Spirit whispered, I will give you a voice of power, but I first have to take away your voice.  (If you glance at my Blog Archive and the posts per year, you’ll also see when my blog voice dropped off for a few years.)

            A year ago, the Spirit surprised me with another whisper: I’m positioning you to be that voice, so I’ve permitted a distraction to you for a test.  Will you be distracted, or will you be a voice of power?  A year later, I’d say the answer has been both.  Thankfully, not only I, but those relevant, following the divine forces, have shown restraint, opening the door for me to emerge into this voice, beginning with my successful advocacy on behalf of Oregon college students.  For now, the whispers repeat the counsel to emulate Mr. Miagi: be humble, simple, silent, restrained, and be ready when the moment arrives to move or speak.

(8/12 update: I hope to have the chance to be silent for quite some time now. A voice is very difficult.)

(photo by portcitywire.com)

Should we always listen to Reliable Person?  Should we never listen to Unreliable Person?  Oh, what a whirlwind we’re in!  To properly discern, we need to examine the evidence for ourselves through our Inner Authority.  To trust our Inner Authority, we need to free ourselves from fear, anxiety, anger, and lower nature desires. Once we do, our Inner Authority is remarkably reliable.  Here’s a doctor who studies, examines, questions, tests, and listens to her Inner Authority, and suggests we do the same.  As a triple board certified Internal Medicine physician, she fits “Reliable Person.”  But even she encourages us not to take her word for it, nor the word of the many speaking another narrative, but to examine the evidence for ourselves through our Inner Authority.

© 2020 by karina.  All rights reserved.  Please use with permission or a citation that links to this blog.