“You complete me” never came from
Steven’s mouth. Nor did any other words
come from him to her, nor from her to him.
It took years, but the pining finally subsided. Then it occasionally burst
up again unsummoned. No matter the
years, the relationships, even the marriages, one can never be cured of the
loss of one’s first love. Even now, nine
years later, with a sweet husband and a whatever-you’d-like-to-call-it with a
hot jock youth pastor, Jasmine feels the pierce in her heart for her first
love.
At least it was a momentary break
from the never-ending images of those moments with Davie – their introduction,
their one-two punch winning shots, their High 5 slaps, followed by their Low 5 shakes
– held barely longer than what’s considered appropriate.
Set it aside. Steven’s in the past and Davie never really
was. Think on your husband. You know, that amazing man you fell in love
with who is not forbidden? Jasmine kept the vow she made with her friends
after Jerry Maguire. Mostly.
Her husband Tim might not have fully completed her, but he completed her
in the way that mattered at that time: he was a stable force. Jasmine was scattered, unsure of herself, and
felt like she was living on a roller coaster.
But Tim is like a rock, stable, confident, and always certain.
Familiar
music breaks her thoughts – the instrumental version of the chorus of
Lonestar’s crossover 2000 hit, “Amazed.”
Tim had the song playing during a dinner he made for Jasmine, and he
perfectly timed his kneeling presentation of an engagement ring to the lyric,
“I wanna spend the rest of my life / with you by my side.” Then her gorgeous stable rock timed his next
move brilliantly. Just after “Baby I’m
amazed by you,” he asked, “Will you marry me?”
Jasmine
smiles. Her trick seems to be
working. Last month, she found an
instrumental version of the song and downloaded its chorus onto her cell phone
to set as her ring tone. Yes, even her
phone is helping her rekindle that early, elated spark with her husband. She almost doesn’t want to answer the phone
so she can keep listening to the music. Can
she let this call go?
It’s
Mindy. Better not.
“Hey
Jazzie, are you free for shopping and lunching on Sunday?”
Sunday. Perfect.
She can idle away her day with her best friend and forget where she isn’t.
Sundays usually started at church and then continued with lunch out with her
husband and their friends at Quail Canyon – until she not been cast out. Tim has decided to take a break from church,
but says he and Jasmine should think about checking out a new one. For now, Jasmine wants to boycott church
altogether. But still, Sundays are hard
– especially at lunch time.
“What’s
the occasion?”
“I’m
turning 29 and freaking out. Maybe you
and Girls’ Day Out at the Mall can save me.”
“You
baby girl!” Jasmine’s 31. She can say that.
Mindy
chuckles, but says Jasmine doesn’t get it: “You were married by 30.” After a pause, she adds, “You were even married
by 29!”
At 25. Jasmine wonders why she married so young.
“Are
you freaking out because it’s your birthday, or because your heart’s still
crushed over Justin?”
“All of it,” Mindy groans. I tell myself
not to think about him, but I can’t stop, so I think around him. And I think around the break-up.” Jasmine can relate. It’s how she was after her break-up with
Steven, and it’s even how her mind is working now, thinking “around” Davie -- not
that they “broke up” and not that they were ever “together” in the first place.
Mindy
continues, “When I’m not thinking around the break-up, my mind returns to the
‘omen’ – that ancient obsession women should be married before 30.”
Ancient obsession. Like ‘you will desire your man’?
“And
that ancient obsession that we can’t stop thinking about our man,” Jasmine
adds.
“Yeah,
that one.”
Do we women still have to live
this way?
“Haven’t
we outgrown the archaic ‘married by 30’ madness?”
“Maybe
the other seven billion people in the world have, but not my family,” Mindy
groans.
“Really? Are you getting pressure from your family?”
“Maybe it’s just Mom. Married at 29, she often says she made it
‘just in time to beat the omen.’ She
likes to brag about the next part too: she had all her kids by the time she was
40. I’m the youngest of four, born when
she was 39.”
“Uh oh, you’ve got big shoes to
fill!”
“I do! Mom reminds me of it too, saying, ‘29: great
year to get married!’”
“Uh
oh. You’re deep in the mud. Do you tell her things have changed?”
“Haven’t
mustered up the courage yet. How do I
break it to her that life has changed since the days of eight track tapes,
black-and-white TVs, and disco? I think
I need a cheerleader. You. So, Girls’ Day Out Sunday morning?”
“To
cheer up my bestie? Of course! When do you want to start?”
“How
about right when the Mall opens? Ten, at
the fountain, in front of Macy’s.”
“Perfect. I won’t be missing church, since I’ve been
ex-communicated. Ten it is.”
“Ex-communicated?! Do Protestants do that? What have you done, Girl?!”
Uh oh, what have I just done?
© 2019 by karina. All rights reserved. Please use with permission or a citation that links to this blog.
© 2019 by karina. All rights reserved. Please use with permission or a citation that links to this blog.
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