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Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The Evangelical and the Mystic

Once upon a time lived an Evangelical.  Having been ostracized, lonely, and confused, she was warmly welcomed and loved into a church that explained Jesus was the reason they had so much love.  If that’s what makes them so special, she thought, then I want Jesus too.

She grew in love and wisdom and was entrusted to guide others in the ways of her church.  She was taught the Bible was the inerrant Word of God, and she studied it passionately.  She was drawn into the gospels, especially the stories of Jesus standing up for the poor and putting the religious authorities in their place.  She prayed for the beatitudes to be lived out within her.

On a personal level, the God she prayed to and the Jesus within her transformed her life in miraculous ways.  The isolated and angry former self gave way to one of peace and love.  She resonated with St. Paul’s description of the “new man” and she knew that it was “no longer I who live, but Christ living in me” (Gal 2:20).

Having studied the books in the New Testament, she embarked on a study of the Old Testament.  Often, she was confronted between what she was reading and her church’s teaching on the Bible.  Why would God care so fervently about food preparation?  Why would He harden a king’s heart?  Why would He tell his leaders to kill every man, woman, and child?  Why, she demanded, would He command genocide?

It wasn’t merely the command of genocide that bothered her.  Her church had also taught that people who had a different belief system would spend an eternity in a fiery place of torment.  If they didn’t happen to hold a paradigm that a historical person named Jesus had died on a cross and risen from the dead for their sins, and if they hadn’t asked this person to save them, then they would face the rest of eternity in a place of torment.  She was bothered by this God who could be that cruel and wondered whether she could keep following Him.  She gave this God that her church had taught her an ultimatum: prove to me you’re not cruel or I can’t keep following you.

The God who responded to her reassured her that He was the one who had worked the miracles within her and that she could trust Him.  But proof, He said, He would not give.  He merely called upon her to trust Him.  Frustrated but willing, she agreed.

* * * * *

Once upon a time there also lived a mystic.  The mystic was an only child of two busy parents, who lived in economic and cultural extremes.  When she was a year old, her parents moved to a large city in South America, across the street from shanty homes.  Though she didn’t know it, her own home was paltry by the standards of her later culture, for it had no clean water, no telephone, and no working oven.  But it kept her safe and warm.  That wasn’t the case for the children across the street.  Without shoes, they played outside, where their mother cooked.  Their dwelling was made of miscellaneous boards of wood nailed together in a disorganized fashion that kept them from being protected in the rain.  As a preschooler, the mystic often worried for them and wondered why they couldn’t live in a house like hers.  As an only child, she looked to the heavens for answers and for connection.

Only a few years later, the mystic’s parents moved the family to the heart of Silicon Valley, where her dad earned a high salary as a computer engineer.  This time, she lived in a very big house, across the street from other wealthy neighbors, and down the street from some of the wealthiest in her city.  Confused, out of place, and in culture shock, she struggled to make friends.  Schoolmates perceived her as a different and ostracized her.  Here again, as an only child, she looked to the heavens for answers and for connection.

* * * * *

                After many years of trusting the God she knew, in spite of the God she was taught, the Evangelical woke up one day.  The God she knew poured out a series of miracles that astonished her.  No human could explain these miracles as “coincidence.”  They were too dramatic, too powerful, too personal, and too life-changing.  Mysticism was happening to her.

                Among the miracles were whispers of mystery, divine utterances of mysteries known by the heart, but not by the mind.  In complement to the whispers of mystery came biblical passages of confirmation.  Sometimes, the Evangelical would read these passages within hours of the whispers, sometimes days, weeks or even months, but, regularly, she would be stopped while reading by a passage that confirmed and clarified a recent whisper.

                Among the miracles was also an encounter with the mystic.  The God she knew called her to a mission trip, where He recreated her early childhood and showed her who she is and who He had created her to be.  She met the mystic in South America.

                And then, looking into the mirror, she saw the mystic in her own reflection.  She struggled with the mystic.  Would she reveal the mystic to her friends?  Would she hide her?  How?  How was she to live as the Evangelical and the mystic together in one person?

* * * * *

                Both the Evangelical and the mystic struggled with one another.  Each was pained to love her sister as herself.  Each was especially pained to love her sister within herself!  The mystic pleaded with the Evangelical to quit going to church.  But they kept going, and the Evangelical kept hushing the mystic while they were there.  Still, they shared something very important in common: a commitment to Christ and a promise to follow Him.

                The Evangelical and the mystic have never stopped struggling with one another.  But, each one has been learning, bit by bit, how to love her sister as herself, even within herself.  One day, they trust they will live together happily ever after.

* * * * *
                Postscript: The story above was written with a special audience in mind, one that has become very dear to me and for whom this story was especially timely and relevant.  The close to the story for this community is as follows: 

                   Anyone who has frequented this site with any degree of regularity has been reading between the lines from the start.  Yes, both are me.  But, to some degree, both are all of us here at ChristianMystics.com.  Some here don’t come from Evangelical backgrounds, and some don’t claim to be mystics.  But I see the stories of both the Evangelical and the mystic in each one of us who regularly participates in our community.

                The struggle of the Evangelical who meets the mystic in the mirror or of the mystic who meets the Evangelical in the mirror is the same struggle each of us has in coming to terms with our spiritual identity, our understanding of God, our relationship with Christ, and our communication with one another.  We are each on a journey of learning how to love our brother and sister as ourselves, within ourselves, and with one another.  Blessings to all of us in our corporate journey!

  © 2013 by karina.  All rights reserved.  Please use with permission or a citation that links to this blog.


  1. Karina, That is a beautiful portrait. I found myself smiling through it, finding flashes of relatability.God astonished me also a few years ago and now regularly draws me in to rabbit holes and gives the courage to allow them to yet again redefine who He is in me. Thank you for sharing your experience.

    1. Thank you, Belinda, and I relate with you on the rabbit holes, the courage to follow them, and the blessing of new discovery. Warm wishes on your journey.

  2. From here, I'll archive the comments made to this post on the ChristianMystics.com site, beginning with the first:

    Fred says:
    February 5, 2013 at 11:34 pm

    Spot on, Karina. Such wisdom you have : )


  3. Chuck Dunning says:
    February 6, 2013 at 3:24 am

    Nice work, Karina.


  4. Chandra says:
    February 6, 2013 at 3:35 am

    Karina – I read your story at a break during work. I cried so much that my eyes were red, and I’m sure people really wondered. I could completely relate to some of the situations and feelings involved. Even though our stories are very different, we have a lot more in common than I realized.

    Love in Christ,

  5. Karina says:
    February 6, 2013 at 5:30 am

    Thanks Fred, Chuck and Chandra,

    I’m so glad it touched you so much, Chandra. I was also very touched by your recent expressions of love for so many of us. When I arrived here, I was about the only woman regularly commenting, and I prayed for more women to join us. You’ve been an answer to prayer.

  6. C.M. Gregory says:
    February 6, 2013 at 7:14 pm

    Thanks for sharing. I like the pseudo fairytale theme and find the moral of the story to be encouraging and eloquently delivered.
    “Among the miracles were whispers of mystery, divine utterances of mysteries known by the heart, but not by the mind.” Its phrases like this that for me, speak louder than a thousand confessions of I know that I know.


  7. laurie says:
    February 11, 2013 at 9:52 am

    Karina, I loved this story. Thank you very much for posting it. I have felt this precise struggle — the Evangelical and the Mystic — within myself. In recent years, I find the Mystic winning out. I do not go to church. It doesn’t seem to matter at all. I find myself writing on non-Christian groups, Advaita, Zen Buddhist. In all of them, I feel something lacking, and so I bring it. It feels like that something is a Someone. The Someone the metaphysicians say does not exist. Only What Is exists.

    I haven’t written here in some months, and the Holy Spirit has wound me back around today. The Voice for Truth within (for me) is not separate from the voice of Jesus. And the voice of my Lord is not separate from the feminine goddess — and the pull to her — I feel within. There is no explaining such mysteries! *smiles*

    love to you,

    p.s. the Father has always led me to the Goddess within me,
    and the Goddess has always led me to the Father.
    I wonder: are they in cahoots?

    1. Karina says:
      February 11, 2013 at 12:23 pm

      Thanks Laurie,

      Good to hear from you and glad you liked the story. I do see a return of the Divine Feminine in our time and have felt Her draw too. Though I still attend church, the mystic is certainly the one “winning” for me too.


  8. Chandra says:
    February 11, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    Laurie – I’m so glad you responded to Karina’s posting. You left such an impression on me with the part of your story you shared months ago when I was trying to understand what I was going through & you recommended a book that was so relevant that I read it in one day (Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ – Jeanne Guyon). It’s really cool how God places people in your path at different times when you really need them. Even though you didn’t say anything that I didn’t already know, I felt very emotional in reading your words.

    I supposed I’m at the other end of the spectrum, where evangelicalism has more of a hold on me than mysticism, and I feel a calling to attend seminary. I feel I was led to joining a spirit-led church and studying mysticism around the same time.

    It’s great Laurie that you share your faith and love for God with other non-Christians. I have no problem posting my experiences all over a Christian website for the world to see, but I still don’t feel comfortable speaking to others. I think it’s from having my own bad experiences with churches, things I’ve read from other people, and I’m extremely introverted. However, as the love I have for God keeps growing and I’m starting to hear the spirit better, I think it’s all just a matter of time and God putting the right people in my path.

    I absolutely love this topic, Karina!