Finding Life in the Dead Rose Bush

            I have two rose bushes, one of which received attention last year, needs more this year, and can be saved.  The other I had not yet attended to before I lost the use of my hands in August.  I have my hands back, but only after months of healing and therapy.  For that story, see “Letting Go, Part 1.” 

            This spring, my second rose bush spoke the message of its neglect.  The lost treasure was now overcome with a great many dead branches protruding through a mass of weeds, four feet high, towering over a plant that had previously produced a burst glorious magenta, rich blossoms of roses abounding with life.  None were now to be seen through a corpse covered over with weeds of various sorts and crabgrasses a foot above the branches.

I have no "Before" photo of the rose bush with its towering weeds, but they looked like these.

And here the weeds and dead branches now.

 

            Expecting the need for a landscaper to come in with some equipment to haul off my dead bush, I spent this spring attending to other parts of my yard.  Finally, last week, I skeptically wondered whether my dead bush could be saved.  If nothing else, I could reduce the cost for someone to come in and haul it away by minimizing its size.  

With a deep breath and determination, I met my former treasure, the current adversary I had created, and I began weeding around the bush, through it, and clipping dead branches.  It’s delicate work because even the dead branches have thorns, pricks screaming at me for what my neglect had done to their source of life. 

To my astonishment, as I pulled the weeds and clipped the dead branches, little signs of life – small, tender branches with green leaves on them – came into view.  These brave little babies poked through, trying to survive beneath their oppressors and crying for help. 

Now my work became even more delicate.  I had been its careless killer, and now I vowed to be its careful savior.  I knew this remnant with life, these little, courageous branches of green, must be protected while their aggressive invaders and the corpses among them get cut out.  Slowly, carefully, patiently, I made progress to save the lives of the budding branches.  

I can save the rose bush.  I had been sure it was dead, and now, I am sure it has life.

 

Amazingly, the rose bush has life!

This process of weeding, pruning, and cutting out what’s dead mimics my life of the past three years.  During this time, I’ve lost my marriage, my career, my next job to a fire, the use of my hands, my kids off to college, and just last week, ended a temporary position.  Weeding, pruning, cutting out what’s dead.  Letting Go.  For three years, letting go of what has lost life has marked my life, and now it is time to find life in death.  My rose bush tells me I can.  Surprising life buds in what has died. 

This morning, as I shared the story of my rose bush, a friend spoke what many have said to me in these past few years.  “For all you’ve been through, I admire you and honor you.  I would have been crushed to lose so much so quick.” 

“I don’t think I would have made it had I not seen little signs of life, like those promising branches of life,” I replied.  “Surprising, little buds of life that I would not have expected to be there, kept showing themselves to me, keeping me going, giving me hope, helping me to never give up.” 

There is Life in death.  Now, after years of letting go, I am sure of that too.  Let go, and watch the surprising blossoms shoot into Life.

© 2023 by Karina.  All rights reserved.  Use only with permission.

Letting Go: A Return to Hibernation

         In August, I fell six feet from a play gym while leaning against an insecure beam to clip tree branches.  Only a miracle protected me from being no more injured than two broken wrists and soft tissue damage to my right hand.  Still, without hands, I had to let go.  The metaphor of my injury – losing the use of my hands – fits so perfectly into the season of my life.  In 2021 and 2022, I lost my career, my marriage, my two kids off to college, my next place of work destroyed in a fire, and in the middle of those losses, the use of both of my hands.  In each of these, I had to “let go,” and in one of them, literally.  Last month I began a series here, with the story of my six foot fall on “Letting Go.” 

Currently, I’m drafting “Letting Go, Part 2: Life without Hands,” to describe the experience of literally letting go of everything, what it was like, and what I was learning from it.  To do so takes some time, and I hope it will be ready in March.  Meanwhile, I’ve been marveling over the preoccupations that began to capture my imagination during the pandemic.  Should I be chilled or awed by the prophetic nature of some of my posts in the past couple of years, like this one, this one, this one, and, especially, at the start of 2022, this one. 

Little did I know in January, 2022 quite how much “Hibernation” would mark my coming year.  Here is a repost of this poem from a year ago; then below the poem is a small sneak peek for the experience and the lessons of “Letting Go.”

 

Hibernation

The creatures of fur follow the signs of Nature

We creatures of skin run to and fro

no matter Her works of beauty or terror

Snow coming, forecasters warn

The furs, ready, hibernate

The skins, deaf, go about their day

 

All afternoon, snow surprises

dumping,

dumping,

softly,

quietly,

deceptively

 

The day still young

the sky turns black

Snowflakes stream,

glistening the darkening sky

in lights of white

haloed in orange

 

Any who slow themselves

who sit

who watch

fuse with the flakes in stillness

 

5 am, calls go out

Schools are closed

Businesses are closed

Roads are blocked

All are snowed in

 

What if calls come the night before?

Or before quittin’ time the day before?

When the creatures of fur,

with no forecasters,

are already nestled in hibernation?

 

“Take My yoke upon you,”

says the master,

“For My load is light, and My burden is easy.”

Racing about, we wonder how

 

Could we hear the wisdom of the furs

who follow the signs of Nature

and work when it is time to work

play when it is time to play

rest when it is time to rest

 and who know there is a season for outings

and a season for hibernation?

 

I of skin,

used to the race,

am paralyzed, mute

Could I learn from the furs?

Could I learn

of a time to speak,

a time be silent,

a time to walk,

a time to rest,

and a season to hibernate?

 

            I think this is precisely what I’m learning.  Although August and September were hardly months for “Hibernation,” they were for me, when I could do little and go nowhere.  It was like Life was saying Let Go and Hibernate, and while you do, you’ll reflect and learn the beauty of letting go.  As a sneak preview, some of this is that I am not invincible; to have humility, gratitude, a gentle touch, and take nothing for granted; to forgive myself and release myself from others’ expectations; to slow down and let go!; and to build compassion and sensitivity for others in whatever limitations or trials they may have. 

Letting Go:

Letting Go, Part 2: Life without Hands

Letting Go: Part 1: The Fall