Love into Solitude or Community?

The following was composed about half a year after my awakening in the struggle to work out the complexities of love.

“Love the Lord your God,”

and we’re drawn to solitude

“Love your neighbor,”

and we’re drawn to community

“Love others as yourself,”

and we’re drawn back into solitude

Solitude or community?

How do we find them both?

Must loving our neighbor

always draw us into community?

Or, can it also draw us into solitude,

into prayer,

for neighbor to discover on his own?

Loving neighbor is a tricky mystery

Love guides into wholeness

Wholeness means surgery

But neighbor refuses surgery

and wants a drug

Love doesn’t give drugs

so we offer surgery

and neighbor cries,

“You don’t love me!

Love doesn’t hurt like that!”

Oh, but love hurts

Love is the supreme hurt

December 3, 2005

(c) 2005 by karina.  All rights reserved.  Please use with permission by the author.

The Unforgiving Usurers

Once upon a time, a certain king in a land of ease wished to settle accounts. Usurers who owed billions were brought to him. The Usurers had bribed the gullible into burdensome loans they knew the debtors could not repay. Floundering beneath the loans, the debtors scoured nickels and dimes to pay what they could. Since the debtors could pay neither quickly nor substantially, the Usurers added new fees and even higher rates of interest.

 When small lenders worked kindly with those seeking loans, the Usurers anted up their bribes and squelched the small lenders. They even bought out the loans of the small lenders, forcing those who had avoided the Usurers into debt with them anyway. Before long, most of the citizens of the land were indebted to the Usurers.

Eventually, the burdens of the debtors were so great, they crashed and could pay no more. The Usurers’ game had boomeranged back to them and they were no longer winning the game they had invented. Seeing their own debtors’ prison before them, their eyes grew wide with terror.

So the Usurers went before the king and said, “Have patience with me, and I will repay you everything.” And the king felt compassion on the Usurers and bailed them out. But the Usurers went and found their debtors who owed thousands and seized them and began to choke them, saying, “Pay back what you owe.”

So the debtors fell down and began to entreat the Usurers, saying, “Have patience with me and I will repay you.” The Usurers were unwilling, however, and went and took their houses, their cars, and all their belongings, and threw them out into the street.

For a time, the king permitted the Usurers to mistreat the debtors and did not require that their bailed out new wealth trickle down to the debtors. So the Usurers returned to their bribes, and they lured in new debtors. And the process started all over: the Usurers grew rich again, the debtors floundered again, and they stopped paying again, but now, the Usurers owed trillions.

But this time, the king, who had been paid by the indebted citizens, was also broke. For a time, he had a magician make money under a funny euphemism no one could pronounce. But it sounded something like “calculating easier,” and, naturally, everyone in the land of ease liked the sound of that. Eventually, the people discovered the euphemism only meant that the king’s money was worthless, so his wealth and his coveted bail-outs came to an end.

Many had loved the land of ease and, when the ease turned against them, they met with despair. A few had sacrificed their citizenship in the land of ease for the rocky quest into land of the cross. Once ease turned into trial, those who had taken the rocky route were hidden.

The spirit tells me

My people tell me,

I am an heir of a great civilization

We are strong

and have shaped the world

As an heir of this great civilization,

I am strong

I am powerful

I am important

As I live into the destiny of my people

My pride grows fierce

I knock all who question my people

I fight for my people

One day, a spirit tells me

I am not an heir of this great civilization

I take offense at the spirit

“We are strong,” I reply,

“and we have shaped the world”

I grow anxious at the spirit's message

If I am not an heir of a civilization so great

I may not be strong

I may not be powerful

I may not be important

My pride grows fierce

One long night, I fight the spirit

As we fight,

I tell the spirit

“I fight for my people”

The spirit says,

“No, you fight not for your people,

You fight for your pride”

The spirit knocks me

He breaks my pride

He gives me a limp

But I wake the next morning
and walk away a new man

The spirit tells me

I am an heir in a divine family

We are strong

and we have shaped the earth

But our strength is hidden

And we walk in humility

No longer does my pride grow fierce

For I know my place
and the destiny of my family

I watch many in the civilization of my youth

fighting, they say, for our people

but they fight for their pride

May the spirit I met come to them

and fight with them

and reveal their divine source

“Which civilization is that of your youth?"

You ask, thinking you know

You realize not
The civilization of my youth

is in every time

every place

every culture

and every religion

It is your civilization

May the spirit I met come to you

and fight with you

and reveal your divine source

The Hurdles

                In a moment of tired frustration, I returned to my habit of wrestling with the Lord.  “Why,” I asked, “are women doing all the work and, yet, they are the ones told to stand back?”  During my argument with God, I noted my observations in the churches and explained, “If the women weren’t doing so much behind the scenes – in other words, if the women weren’t ‘hidden leaders’ – nothing would get done!  Why, then, Oh Lord, are they told to back off?”  Finally, with a tone of cynicism, I asked, “Do You really wish death for Your churches, Lord?”

                A few months after my inquiry, I had the following dream:

                A bullet fired off for a race to begin.  Many runners, both men and women, started running together, but once the hurdles came along, the women took the lead.  I saw the women leaping over the hurdles.  These were the usual brand of hurdles, about as high as the runners’ hips.  After the women, I saw the men running behind them, trying to catch up.  They were approaching their hurdles, but these hurdles were not the usual brand.  These hurdles were higher than their heads!  Next, I saw a great hand come forth from heaven toward the hurdles, ready to take the hand of any runner.  But the men did not see the great hand, and they kept struggling, unsuccessfully trying to leap over the hurdles above their heads.  Next, I saw the women stop running, turn around, and cheer the men on.  Then I saw the women see the hand in the sky.  Then, the women began to scream to the men, while pointing to the sky, “The hand!  The hand!  Grab the hand!”  Some men heard the women, looked to the heavens, saw the great hand, and took the hand.  The hand pole vaulted these men over their hurdles and the men continued running.  Other men saw what happened and took the great hand too.  The women cheered and waited for the men to catch up.  Once the runners were all together again, they all continued the race.

Today, my understanding of these issues runs deeper than the dream conveys.  At the time, however, the dream gave me the liberation I needed.  Perhaps it can do the same for other women now.

May we all learn to run the race together.  Amen.

From Babylon to New Jerusalem

Much of today is marked by grief, and grief trumps resolve in this moment.  In mourning, may our hearts move to Christ and to the love He taught.  May He then turn our mourning into dancing.

The following poem is a revision of one I wrote shortly after Katrina.  The original version further blended the two events and expressed deeper sorrow over the inadequacy of "resolve."  

We could say the word for this poem is "Paradox" for it calls us into love and harmony, while it also looks at ourselves in a way that could draw a few into anger.  But transformation can only come through facing those areas calling for it.  May we be willing to  carry the humility that leads to the New Jerusalem.  Amen.

“Grieve”

The word we thought we'd cry

as we watched our towers of pride

Fallen!  Fallen!

“Resolve”

The word we embraced in its place,

swearing to move forward

in our own direction of pride

“Repent”

The word that resists resolve

by choosing to turn around

and move in a direction of humility

“Confusion”

The word God chooses

for those who rely upon themselves

and not upon the Lord

“Help”

The word the victims cry out

when their leaders choose resolve

and forget their plight

“Mercy”

The word we cry

for healing in our land,

brokenness of our pride,

sadness for affliction,

grief not only for harm done unto us,
but also for harm we have done unto others,

and a change in our own hearts and minds

“Love”

The new word

for a new time

when harmony will reign

One of the Days of the Son of Man

House-sitters watch over a beautifully constructed home.  While the walls pulse from the beat of the music, some eat, some drink, some laugh.  One cleans.  Instantly, the floor quakes, the walls and windows clatter, objects fall and break, and a powerful wind rushes through the building.  All but the one cleaning are thrown to the ground.  Desperate, they cry in terror. 

The wind blows open the curtain of the window and the Master peeks through the window.  Still standing, the one who had been cleaning sees his Master.  The Master winks.  The servant winks back.  What glory it is to be found standing on “one of the days of the Son of Man!” (Luke 17:22)

When the clattering calms down, those on the ground cry out, “What was that?!”  The servant smiles.

Our Misunderstood Bridegroom

“and the disciples did not understand him"

(paraphrase of Lk 2:50, 9:45, 18:34; Mk 9:32; Jn 12:16 & -- you get the idea!)

This often repeated refrain hints to me a mystery within a passage that confuses many in the churches:

"The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry.

Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit.

When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs.

Then he said to the tree, 'May no one ever eat fruit from you again.'

And his disciples heard him say it. . . .

In the morning, as they went along, they saw the fig tree withered from the roots.

Peter remembered and said to Jesus, 'Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!'"

(Mark 11: 12-21)

I love this passage. Jesus is so real. So human. So able to get upset just like me! Wedged right in the middle is another favorite passage of mine -- when Jesus over-turns the tables of money-changers in the temple. Whoo hoo! Adios, Religious Capitalists making money at the expense of God!! Again, Jesus is so real. So human. So able to get upset just like me!


But I'm also intrigued by the symbolism of the fig tree and the season. What might have made Jesus hungry? Maybe he was hungry for disciples who understood Him. The fig tree, representing Israel, gave Him some hope: did it bear fruit? ANY fruit? Was there any fruit on the fig tree to show that a few were ready for His message? Apparently not: "it was not the season for figs." It was like God was teasing to His Son through the fig tree: "Sorry, Son, you arrived too early. Israel isn't ready for your message. Even your own disciples aren't ready for the Messiah!" Instead of chuckling along with the Father, Jesus took the hint and cursed the tree.


But did he truly lack hope? Not according to the next passage, which really isn't an answer to Peter's statement. Instead, it seems to be Jesus muttering to Himself His own response to His own frustration: 'Have faith in God,' Jesus answered. 'I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.'" (Mark 11:22-25)


Here we have Jesus' hope: faith in God; his solution: pray and believe; and even his repentance: forgive to receive God's forgiveness. Jesus had to forgive his entire generation for its lack of readiness.


Still, Jesus' coming was hardly in vain. After he rose, he showed himself again to His disciples and "then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures" (Luke 24:45).


Even today, many disciples of Jesus "do not understand him." And even today, many of us are experiencing radical, surprising moments when He "opens our minds to understand the scriptures."


May our Bridegroom continue to open our minds. May he be making us ready for the Wedding. May our generation be the Bride who is finally ready to understand the Bridegroom! Amen!